YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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