i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
