I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
