once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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