I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
