He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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