great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
