Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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