idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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