At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
