if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
