He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
