I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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