You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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