my vag is so smooth its legendary
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
