I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
