dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
