i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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