Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize