just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
