I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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