I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
