Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
its not stalking. its research.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
