i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize