Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
