He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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