i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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