I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
