Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
