remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
