we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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