I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
