I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
