Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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