i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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