Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
