My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize