Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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