Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
