Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
