Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
