There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
