Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
