maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
