For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
