just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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