God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
false alarm, still single
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
