that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
