he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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