i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Quick, to the slutcave!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
