I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
