i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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