The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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