I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
