I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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