Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
