just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we're so committed to being not committed
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize