you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
