I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
