i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
