He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
