I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize