i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
