giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
