bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
