my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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