if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have post one night stand depression
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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