Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize