I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
