new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
