two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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