At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
