the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i wish my penis had a tongue
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
