I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
