By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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