So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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