Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
