how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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