I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
